Toddler Rules #1

Toddler Rules #1

If I have poop, I must share it with you.

Case Study A:
I was enjoying my little time to  "sleep in" one Saturday morning (for the rest of the world 7:30 a.m. is not sleeping in.)  when I heard a small cry from the other room.

"ugh, stuck....stuck...uhhhh.  mooommmmieeee."

wait, no, he isn't saying "stuck"  he's saying "yuck".

Oh, holy fuck!

I sprang from the bed, rushed into Boy Pickles room and he shoved his hand in my face.  One whiff and I knew what it was - shit covered, that's what it was.

Thank you, Boy.  Thank you for scratching your ass with a full diaper and sharing the fruits of your labor with me.

Case Study B:
Location:  Bathtub.  (I mean, really, need I say more, you all know where this is going, it's just the first time I've had the beauty of discovering it).

I hear a fart and the boy giggles followed by a shriek of "oh NO!"  I quickly glance and see a floating turd gaining speed towards Girl Pickle.

Me:  shit
Boy: shit

I grab a washcloth and scoop up the poop.
Me:  crap, boy, is there anymore of that?  do you have to poopoo?
Boy: noooo.  It's amazing how innocent they can look when they are about to lay out a bomb for you.  Thankfully I was already prepping the girl and pulling her out of the tub.

Pllllop.  Floating turd number two sneaks up behind the boy and makes its way around him.

Boy:  OH NO!

and as fast as a flash I swooped him on to the toilet where, for the next 5 minutes, he proceeded to fart and laugh.  No poop made it to the toilet.